I love Jesus but hate churches

By Joan Akello

Frank Gashumba Mwalingumu, Director General of National Action for Awakening Uganda (Sisimuka Uganda) talked to Joan Akello about single fatherhood and governance.

Any Three things do we not know about you?

I’m very clean, a strong Christian and I love Jesus but hate churches.

Are you rich?

I’m neither rich nor poor, but I live a comfortable life. Uganda has had only two billionaires; the late James Mulwana and Gordon Wavamunno, the rest survive because of this regime.

When and where were you happiest?

When Barack Obama won (the U.S. presidential election) in 2008.He brought us hope that you can achieve what you believe.

What is your greatest fear?

Insects.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I’m too kind; it’s better to help strangers than relatives who never appreciate.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Disloyalty. Ugandans are comrades; they are with you for a purpose. Where are Amama Mbabazi’s friends now?

What is your greatest extravagance?

I’d mortgage my watch or sell my shoes for my girls.

What is your current state of mind?

Tense about what is happening in Uganda. If Museveni died, we would have another Syria, Mogadishu, Libya because there are no (governance) institutions.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Marriage. Studies show that 76 percent of people who get married above 27 are most likely to manage it.

At 40, why are you not?

I’ve not found a person we share a common vision for tomorrow. I’ve been single for the last 10 years.

On what occasion do you lie?

In business.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I’m tough but I’m gold at heart.

Which living person do you most despise?

Uganda’s so-called billionaires they try to live the life of Bill Gates yet they know the price of meat or hire a village housegirl to cook. Billionaires hire chefs.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Fatherhood; the easiest thing for any man, idiot, murderer, thief is to make a woman conceive.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Motherhood and knows a man’s first responsibility is to provide groceries and it’s her duty to cook it.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Swimming. Talking is my talent, last year I went to 120 schools and 20 last term. I was paid Shs2million to speak for one hour yet hundreds of people were paid to welcome Museveni from UN.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I despise a lot and I’m sometimes too tough when I talk.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Raising independent girls- 22-year old Cathy and Aisha and; Sheila 18.

If you were to die and come back what would you be?

Nelson Mandela or a lion.

Where would you most like to live?

Denmark, Israel or on an island with children I’m not related to.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Betrayal.  People who have betrayed me and this country are not those with dreadlocks or tattoos but those in ties. The youth should use hyenas not pigs to demonstrate their frustration.

What is your most marked characteristic?

I’m frank; I’m not a sugar factory to sugar coat things.

What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty. It’s easier to get a lion than find loyal people. If Museveni locked himself somewhere for a week, you would find the very people who praise him every day saying`finally the snake is gone’.

Who are your favorite writers?

Grace Brown, Joel Osteen and Robin Sharma especially his books -The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and The Leader Who Had No Title. The most five heroes we talk about were not presidents. I’am a leader without a title.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Idi Amin, Luther King, Malcolm X; Dr. Apollo Milton Obote loved this country, Kings Kabalega, and Mwanga. They were not hypocrites. Museveni tells the truth by mistake; I’m quoting Obote.

Who are your heroes in real life?

People who change lives  and my grandmother Sarafina.

What are your favorite names?

We Africans are proud of calling ourselves English names but is there a Mzungu called Gashumba, Akello, or Museveni?

What is your greatest regret?

Supporting this regime of vampires from 1986 to 2000.

How would you like to die?

In sleep. I’d rather die at 45 when I’ve impacted on lives than at 80 when I’m useless.

What is your motto?

Never give up; change is coming. We welcomed Museveni and we have paid the price. We must participate in this change.  Unfortunately Ugandans want this change brought to their bedrooms.

What would you tell President Museveni and those in politics?

Museveni is a good communicator; he will tell you a lie if you believe in him. You are not giving us jobs, the roads are dead, but you have no holiday in taxing us. In fact, PAYE is Pay as Yoweri Enjoys. Politics is all about eating, if you are in NRM and you are not benefiting from the regime, hopeless. It is peasants in yellow T-shirts of Shs 2,000 note Muhoozi, Natasha.  I am not a fool for NRM.